Not coming?  You have our greatest sympathy.  We will talk of you in your absence.  Your ears will burn.  It will not be pretty.  When you return from visiting your sweetheart in the state penitentiary (currently doing time for kicking small dogs, pushing the elderly in front of buses, and engaging in coitus with Donald Trump, which should be a crime but isn't) you might want to phone to find what else we've made up about you and circulated as hand-to-God fact.

Or you could just come.  Either way.  We're good.  Really.